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There’s a strange tension in modern self-help culture.
On the one hand, we’re told to love ourselves unconditionally with every curve, wrinkle. On the other hand, we’re the “optimize everything” culture. Wake up at 5 a.m., ice bath your soul, track your macros, and meditate. All before breakfast.
Somewhere between these extremes is where most of us live: the imperfect, real, slightly contradictory middle ground.
That’s where I live.
I’m good the way I am. Full stop. But also… I have plenty of things to work on.
Those two statements are not contradictions.
You’re Perfect As You Are
Buzzwords float around: body positivity, self-love.
The intentions might be pure. Of course, we shouldn’t hate ourselves into change. Shame is not a personal trainer, and guilt doesn’t get you to the gym. At least, not for long.
But some people wield “body positivity” as a permission to stop trying altogether.
Suddenly, taking care of your body becomes “toxic diet culture.” Wanting to feel stronger is framed as vanity. And striving for more confidence or intelligence is seen as self-rejection.
It shouldn’t be…
I can love who I am without declaring myself the finished product. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean stagnation.
The Shortcoming
Something has become more trendy on social media lately. Admitting shortcomings out loud.
I’m a bit overweight. Not in a dramatic, movie-style “before montage” way. Just in the sense that my jeans sigh way too heavily every time I button them.
I’m not as fit as I should be. A couple flights of stairs and I start breathing far too loudly.
I’m not flexible. My hamstrings are tighter than my monthly budget.
I’m not as confident as I could be.
I’m not as smart as I want to be. There are books I should’ve read, skills I should’ve learned, conversations I wish I could contribute more to.
Do these flaws make me worthless? Absolutely not. But pretending they don’t exist isn’t self-love either.
The Middle Ground
I can both love myself and still want better.
Think about it in relationships. If you love someone, you don’t say, “You’re perfect, never change.” You support them when they want to learn guitar, switch careers, or finally run that marathon. Love doesn’t freeze a person in time.
Why should my relationship with myself be any different?
When I say “I’m good the way I am,” it’s not a declaration of completion. It’s the baseline. Worth is intact, regardless of my weight, confidence level, or IQ.
From that foundation, I can actually grow.
Body Honesty
Body positivity was supposed to remove toxic beauty standards. We have way too many of those. No doubt. And in many ways, body positivity has helped a lot with it.
Progress.
But body positivity wasn’t meant to be the opposite extreme. Pretending health and improvement don’t matter. Loving your body should mean taking care of it, not abandoning it under the banner of “acceptance.”
My body deserves vegetables, movement, sunlight, and sleep. Not because I hate it, but because I value it.
Improvement Without Self-Loathing
The old script goes like this:
Hate how you look.
Punish yourself with a diet.
Push until you burn out.
Quit.
The new script is more sustainable:
Acknowledge where you are without judgment.
Accept that your value is not conditional.
Choose small, consistent actions that respect your body and mind.
Improve because you care, not because you’re broken.
I don’t need six-pack abs to deserve love. I am old…
But if I slowly build more strength, more flexibility, and more stamina, I’ll be proud. I’ll move through life more comfortably.
Recently, I picked up skateboarding again after a 20-year break. I almost forget everything. But the movements and skills are coming back. And every little new trick I learn is so exciting.
This is how improvement should feel. At all stages of life.
Work in Progress
Confidence, intelligence, fitness, they’re all skills, not genetic lottery prizes.
If I’m not as confident as I could be, the solution “unfortunately” is to do things that build confidence. Take risks, speak up, practice.
If I want to be smarter, I don’t need to pretend I already am. I need to read more, learn more, stretch my thinking. Improvement doesn’t insult my current self.
Loving the Process
Remove the toxic urgency.
I’m not “fixing” myself.
I’m not chasing perfection. I’m just walking forward, step by step. I’m good. That’s true today. But I can be better. That’s true tomorrow.
And the gap between those two truths is where the growth happens.
The Bottom Line
Let’s retire the extremes.
I’m not perfect the way I am. Nobody is. But I respect where I am now. Improvement doesn’t threaten that.
The best version of me will always be the one who knows two things at once: I am good. I can improve.
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Great to see you broadening your topics 👍